Victoria B on 19 November 2021

Yay! So glad this is back up and running, closest thing to therapy I can access these days. First thing to ramble about, hmmm, money, job center, mental health treatment, moving, personal trauma, how the poor are treated post pandemic. Where to start? Christmas is coming. I want to look forward to it but so hard to. Faced with potential homelessness, no idea what's expected to happen between now and new year. Risk of losing my kids 'cos of how lockdown destroyed my mental health (straw that broke this camels back). Lost everything recently, old house, now in temporary accommodation. Everything I'd gotten slowly for kiddies since last Xmas for this Xmas is all gone. And I got paid last week but as we had no warm clothes, having lost everything, I had to focus on getting some winter clothes for kids. Plus school uniforms as they've now started school. So now I have one payday between now and Xmas, when I'll get about £750 for the month. Can't ask for an advance loan 'cos still paying one off from the summer when my washer broke and I needed to get a new one, that has now been lost due to recent strife and drama and moving. Bills have gone up, food bills have gone up, I'm having one meal a day and kids in school lunches now, so just about avoiding food banks, barely. Going to have to make most of my decorations this year, including tree, which people keep saying "oh wow you're so crafty, love it" yadda yadda but I'm sick of having to be crafty to make every little thing as useful as possible and save every tiny penny. I'd love to be able to relax and just cut what I need instead of have to put in the effort, emotionally and time wise, for making things that will-make-do. For some people crafting is a fun hobby, used to be for me, but now it's less about relaxing and hobbying and more about making ends meet. It's not fun or relaxing anymore, I don't get a sense of accomplishment from crafting anymore, just a reminder that it's the best I can do for my kids. Kids can only get one small item each from me and I've decided to make little vouchers with things like 'family outing' 'pizza night' 'picnic' etc for kiddies as their main gift. Not that I can afford to do much anyway. So limiting.

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