Meg T on 21 July 2021
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Q. What are your experiences of 'getting organised,' and your thoughts or plans about 'getting out'?
I felt organised but then I remarried a second time and sold my home to move in with my partner, which proved to be a poor decision on my part; my family structure collapsed due to the impact of Domestic Violence - 17 years ago. I and my 3 boys aged 8, 6 and 7 months. We were homeless and I was on unpaid maternity leave. I left with the children, the clothes on my back and my car. I had to leave my elderly cats and my dog behind. I was on unpaid maternity leave, suffering from "post natal depression" - hint - it wasn't the baby, it was the abuse I was subjected to and we were rendered homeless in an instant. Indeed the first night having escaped the abuse was in a police cell, because I had dared to defend myself from the final assault inflicted upon me. I'd called them for help but ended up being arrested. I had to accept a police caution so as to get back to the children. The police caution has subsequently followed me around all my life - I used to work in sectors where an enhanced DBS check has been mandatory and each time it comes up I still feel shame and traumatised. Yet I challenge anyone not to defend themselves when they fear their life is on the line. And I would do so again if need be. So since then I've never felt that I've got back up to speed. Nor have I escaped poverty, even though I tried to get back into employment. I had to let my nursing registration lapse because I couldn't commit to the shift requirements and I had to take part time flexible working to fit around the children. At no point I had them at three different schools, so that was a juggle. And then I became permanently disabled back in 2011. So that was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. So "getting out" which to me would be moving to be nearer my eldest son seems even more beyond me because I simply don't possess the financial means and the physical ability to make the move. Hell I can't even organise normal life at times because I am simply too overwhelmed, so I potter along in my little bubble doing what I can when I can to improve my lot. But it's not much and I feel so demoralised. I've been tough and resilient for so long, but nothing is changing there's nothing left to draw upon. And the lack of confidence that comes with that is soul destroying. I know I deserve better but don't really believe it.
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