another thing that happened this week is that my middle son finally found a place of his own to rent and has moved all of his belongings out of the house. Whilst I'm happy for him and hope he is happy in his new home, what I found difficult about it all was the fact that he still feels very angry about being kicked out, would not allow me to hug him, would not tell me where he is moving to and some of the looks he gave me I classified as contemptuous. Once again I feel blamed for the predicament he finds himself in. That said the sense of peace and calm in the household outweighs any guilt I feel.
He has yet to realise that his behaviour fuelled by alcohol crossed a definite line with me. I had the safety of myself and my 15-year-old son to consider. One day I hope he will realise the consequences of his behaviour and become a wiser person because of it.
That said I still love my middle son, it's his behaviour that became intolerable. No rational person would put up with the behaviour that I had to put up with and whilst he gave me no pleasure in kicking him out I know it was the right thing to do. The problem is as a lone parent you are always questioning whether or not you're doing the right thing for fear of being judged by others on the periphery who don't know your circumstances. I am still keeping lines of communication open should he wish to make contact.