Victoria B on 02 November 2020

poke to my universal credit advisor today, the usual two week phone call. I didn't sleep a wink last night I was so worried I'd not done enough and would be sanctioned. I told him as much, also asked if sanctions will be paused this lockdown, and he told me I didn't need to worry while covid was still going strong. He understands that they can't force people to put their lives at risk for interviews, so long as I at least apply and take part in phone conversations and the like he won't sanction me he said. Which won't fully ease my anxieties, cos he's just a man and the system is the problem not the advisor, but it helps a little to know that - unless I do something really naughty (which to be frank, just phrasing that is demoralising, I'm an adult trying to do the best I can to feed my family, not a disobedient child. Heck even if my kids are disobedient I don't deny them access to food, utilities, etc. It's immoral ūüėĒ) sorry, I digress - at least I know my money this year is basically assured. So long as I behave that is. Its very triggering being on universal credit. Reminds me a lot of living with my ex. Needing permission, to do certain tasks, etc. before I could tend to my kids, feed them or the like. It's emotionally exhausting.

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