Victoria B on 26 January 2021

At that time if the month when it's all about waiting and antisipating. Had my statement in univeicredit for how much I'll get. Now just wait for the payment to come. It's meant to be on the 31st, but that's a weekend, so should get it Friday. But always scared it'll come Monday instead, but I've got bills due out on the last working day if the month so hope UC gets paid in Friday not Monday. Plus we're hungry. Ran out of meat at the weekend, had beans with cheese and pitta bread yesterday. We don't lack for food (got enough in beans and soups to tide us over for weeks) it's just good food that we're low on, so I'm trying to do the usual food kids like then food kids don't like then food kids like flip flop until we get paid. No one is going hungry but the food options aren't very popular. Still only a few more days. I hate how anxious I get during this wait. It's tense, the worry if what'll happen if there's a glitch or a problem and it doesn't come. I'm sure it will come fine, and plan accordingly, but that fear that it won't still bites. To help with the anxieties I hyperfocus on the budget plan, I do my Iceland food shop so it'll all ready to be paid on day I get paid, etc. I prepare so in the day bills are paid very efficiently. This is my last pay day before my daughters birthday next month, so I'm a little nervous about making sure I've got what we need for that. Universal credit even seeps into ones dreams. Dreamt last night that I was sanctioned for being a single mum (not an official stance in reality but understandable considering how single mums are generally treated by the system) and I had to take the kids camping cos we lost the house and trying to cook in open fire. Let's just say, not a realistic dream true, but a normal fear for people in our situation. Nothing feels safe when you live month to month on benefits.

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