"So today I feel at a real low point. The kids are doing great which I wonder how in earth I’ve managed to keep that side going on top of everything else. Beginning to feel I will look old and grey by the time this lockdown lifts. Feeling the pinch and I hate the fact the children are missing out on the fun things of childhood. In a strange way I resent that part of their childhood alphas been robbed at such a young age as they grow up too quick anyway. Arts and crafts are wearing thin and I know that will just be another cost to add to the ever growing list eventually. Trying so hard to cut back on things but there’s nowhere left to cut back and I need to free up at least £200 from somewhere! Just praying there’s no rent increase looming as that will be the cherry on my rather large iced cake right now. There’s got be a silver lining somewhere!? Right!? The light at the end of the tunnel is a faded spot. Constantly dreaming of ways I can make a better life for us all but they all cost to begin with so immediately get shut down. It’s a shame because I can put my hand to anything and I’m a really creative person I just have no way to start out. Just got to ride this god awful roller coaster out I guess! The kids are okay they are doing well that’s all that matters. As soon as I fail as a mum I know there’s nothing left so that gives me hope "